In almost all the social conversations, we get asked about our twin daughters – their well-being and the regular stuff. We reply with whatever the general status, as on date. So far, so good.
The issue started propping up for me whenever the queries were a bit more than general, which needed to be answered in specifics. I somehow was getting uncomfortable with these pointed questions. It was not about the need to hide anything about the girls, or about the questions in particular or the persons raising it. I was feeling awkward about my choice of words to answer the questions.
As a reply to the question I go on and on, rather than answering in a single word and describe the entire process when the person is actually interested in only knowing the output. I answer in various scenarios and not the occurrence of a single incident. I try to ensure that nothing – behaviour, action, mannerism etc get branded to either of the girls. Something like what I am writing in this paragraph.
I realized that I am uneasy about using adjectives for my daughters. I am not so sure about my approach to being anxious about using adjectives, be it either in the presence or even absence of my daughters.
For me, using adjectives amount to labelling/branding of the child. The child is just growing up, there is no way to know if the current trait is going to continue or a new attribute is going to pop up at any point of time, why to put the child in the shackle of a word?
I feel that putting the word for a child becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. The child understands the meaning of the word, what it means and tries to come true to it. There can also be a contrary view that once the child understands the word, the child might show opposing behaviour. Or actually, nothing happens.
It is also something like the person asking the question expects the answer to be in a word – specific. Something like, till the time we are unable to bracket the child we get restless. Something like, we are averse to free-spirited individuals and it extends to the child too. We would not want to explore the unknown, and hence better to put a tag on the child.
I have noted that whenever the adjectives get used for any of the girls, the listener tends to remember better than the whole verbose long-winded reply given by me. And the next time, the girl gets referred to by that very word, easy to remember – the label. And to add to my irritation, the person in the spotlight will call the girl using that very adjective, which I have kept her away from.
I feel that it becomes a tad easier for the child too to refer to each other if they have a specific word on hand for the other children in the group – to name them, to call them by that word, it sticks and becomes simplistic.
It also becomes like the child starts referring to herself/himself by the adjectives used for her/him.
Or maybe nothing of the above happens. It is just that I am being paranoid and trying to be too much of a nit-picker.
It is not like I am not going to teach them adjectives. They will be taught but currently, I see no hurry, as such.
What would be your take on this subject?
nice post.. thanks for sharing
Thank you for reading and giving your feedback.
what would you like to do if you hear any more questions?
” we are averse to free-spirited individuals and it extends to the child too. We would not want to explore the unknown” – so true! Yet, I feel that “would not” is too cruel a word. Most of us “wont'” only because we “don’t” know any other way. Love your blog ‘cos it makes me think.
I do agree with you that ‘would not’ is a cruel word. However I have come to believe that if we really want to, we will find a way to. I suppose, for what matters in life, extraneous factors and excuses, neither can build a case.