My daughters do not go to preschool

The first conversation with anybody and everybody, be it relatives, friends, cashier at the departmental store, security guard at the park etc entails one question for sure – which school do they go to? Twins get confused when the question, at times, gets aimed at them directly. After the answer from either of us the parents, we are given the ceremonial advice that maybe they are a bit young for this year, but next year surely they have to be at school, and we are let off the hook temporarily.

To be honest, we did sort of primary research about the preschools and we ended up with the following statements:

A high-quality preschool designed to set up young scholars for future academic, emotional, and social success.

Preschool provides a foundation for learning both socially and academically that will help your child succeed in the primary school.

Preschool is an opportunity for growth. One of the best things about preschool is that your children learn to learn.

Seemingly, there is nothing wrong at all in the above statements. They are all full of great purpose and intention. Along with these, there would also be preschools that would allow children to be children and not focus on learning, as such. We as parents are not totally convinced about the need for a formal environment for our three and a half-year-olds. We understand that not putting our daughters in the preschool/nursery, which seems to be the norm nowadays, will have consequences – mostly negative, as we are being told, and maybe some positive, just maybe.

Twins began identifying numbers around a year ago and they were doing it pretty well. After a couple of months, their mother got back to full-time work and I joined my daughters at home. As on date, the twins are still learning to count. I am sure that going to a preschool would have guaranteed the continuity of what they had already learnt and there wouldn’t have been any moving back in time.

We have melt-downs by any one of the girls or both of them quite frequently. I feel that if they were attending a preschool they would have learnt to keep their temper tantrums under control, as their environment would not have entertained their whims beyond a point.

Girls are free to get up at any time and hence, to sleep at any time; with no particular schedule for food and sleep. Is this a part of accepted parenting norms?

Whenever they get a chance to play with kids either of their age or any age for that matter, they fall head over heels as they do not get such chances often. They really enjoy playing with companions. Are we taking away their enjoyment by not sending them to preschool?

As and when they ever go to school, they may not be equipped with the requisite social or school etiquette. Their foundation may not be in sync with the requirements of the formal education system.

When we get to interact with parents of other children of the similar age-group, they proudly announce that their prodigies have mastered the alphabets and numbers, not just reciting but writing as well and moving on to two letter to three letter words and our daughters’ are nowhere near their achievements.

B +ve and O +ve are able to comprehend instructions and guidelines. But their will to follow them is all over the place. They are wild and untamed. So far, they have not been required to fall in line, to remain silent, to hush up their emotions,

My wife and I have no training or background in working with kids. We simply follow our instincts and our emotions, as well.

Most importantly, are we obsessive parents that we cannot let go of our children for the limited hours of the preschool?

With all of the above, still, our daughters do not go to preschool/nursery till now.

Why? Will present the other side of the story in the next blog.

Public Parks: 10 point survival guide for children

As per Wikipedia, a public park is an open space to offer recreation, it is a green space for residents with a playground for children as a common feature, among others. Having parks nearby urban residents within a 10-minute walk provide multiple benefits. Sounds innocuous, what can be wrong with this?

After taking my daughters to public parks on a weekly basis, I have concluded that public parks are a necessary feature in India to make adults out of children. These parks  ensure that kids understand their surroundings and necessarily build their adaptability and coping mechanisms, at the earliest, for their survival in India.

Travel & Traffic

We stay in Hyderabad, which I suppose is among the 10 largest cities in the country. Our house is within 2 km radius of Secunderabad Railway Station, this would make it nowhere near the outskirts of the city but very well within the city limits. Yet, the closest public park is more than 3 km from our place. Girls have learnt that we have to take a ride for a minimum of 10-15 minutes one-way to reach any park, and have to travel in the company of the city’s burgeoning traffic and the consequent high pollution levels to spend an hour or two at a green space.

Restricted Timings

All the public parks in the residential areas in Hyderabad close at 10 am and reopen at 5 pm. They are actually supposed to close at 9 am and reopen sometime after 4 pm, but the park attendants are almost always late in executing these tasks. Why should the public parks be closed in the day-time at all? For what reason? Girls have learnt that public utilities in India serve their own purpose and are not meant in reality for the public, at large.

Over-crowding

The play area for children does not take into account the population that it caters to. Most residential public parks will have two swings, one slide, two see-saws, one monkey bar and one jungle gym. Children at any point of time will far outnumber the available resources, similar to IIT seats. Girls learn that they have taken birth in an over-crowded nation.

Queue and taking turns

As the girls learn that the available infrastructure is less than the intended beneficiaries, they get trained to stand in queues, to take turns and to jump the queues as well for out of turn promotion. I am sure that very soon, the public parks will also equip them to push, shove and jostle around to get their way ahead – mandatory survival skills in our nation.

Difficulty in using resources

At any point in time in any public park, at least one swing will be broken or its chain will be in some sort of tangle to make it uneven. Slides come in all sorts of gradients to slide down, most of the time inappropriate for children below four years of age. See-saw will have either the seat or the handle to hold broken. Even the monkey bar and jungle gym will have some rods missing. Girls use their imagination and learn to make the most of the available resources – they learn “jugaad”.

Open Spaces

Our imagination is limited to swings, slides and the likes, which are of course required. But, beyond that there shall be no open places for a free play or some other stuff like sand pit, mud pit, water pit or good old tree climbing. Girls learn to think out of the box within the box – more of the same.

Trees

Public parks do have trees but nowhere near the children play area. So, all the play area accessories, made of pure metal, will be too hot to handle in the Indian climate for most of the time. Girls have learnt to deduce that trees are for lip-service to environment, somewhere in some corner, and not for providing shade where it is required. Anyways, only a handful of public parks can really boast of trees like the banyan, neem, peepal, tamarind which offer a cool shade.

Restrooms

None of the residential public parks that we have been to have restrooms. Girls have learnt to have better control for most of the times, and at times, I have been shouted upon by elderly park patrons for making a public toilet for my daughters behind a tree. Now, please tell me, how is it expected to have 100% control for three-year-olds? But I suppose,  it is about time for my daughters to learn that their country expects them to hold on to, whatever time they are in public spaces.

Inclusivity

Indian public spaces do not encourage special children to come out and enjoy with their peers. My daughters do not get to learn that there are other children also with whom they need to take the initiative to share. Compassion and empathy are not necessarily associated with us, as Indians, and non-inclusivity of public parks ensures that children learn this first hand.

Mosquitoes

Once the sun sets, children find it way too difficult to handle the mosquito menace at the parks. I have never been able to figure out why the municipality cannot make adequate efforts at mosquito control.  Girls learn that once the evening sets in, it is better to get back to home. And in another 4-5 years, they will also learn that it is not just the mosquitoes, but the security set-up in India as well that requires women to be at home after dusk.

Running around

The most favourite activity for both the girls is running and jumping. We stay on the 3rd floor and the girls are restricted to indulge in their favourite activities because of complaints from the neighbour who stay below us. Even at public parks, they are not able to run and jump as there is hardly any place for them to walk without getting trampled upon.

At an overall level, my daughters learn that access to green public spaces is a privilege in India. Even after you do reach the so-called green space, you need to be an innovator to make use of whatever is available. And there will always be a push from behind.

Welcome to the Indian way of life, my dear daughters.

A little chocolate now and then does hurt

Very recently, I realized that there is a certain phenomenon happening with the girls. It looked so innocuous that somehow I missed it completely. It was just off the radar for me and now when I look back at all these incidents, I realize that these happenings have become so ingrained in our lives that we do not even notice it.

I am not referring to any top-notch event. Just that every now and then, with quite a bit of eerie frequency, girls are being gifted chocolates. It is not just the relatives or the friends who keep showering their love and affection through the brown thing, but the medical store guy, the security guard, neighbours, parents of children whom we meet at the park, why even the shopkeeper from whom we bought the feed for the pigeons; all of them keep giving the girls the chocolates / the lollypops (once a neighbour gave a giant-sized lollypop which was made in china with an expiry of 3 years, girls had to finally throw it off after 10  minutes).

This may sound like a bit of a kill-joy from my side as to why I won’t let my daughters enjoy. Well, read on, and let me know your views at the end of the blog.

Nutrition:

As I type this, I am having the ingredients and nutrition information of Cadbury Gems in front of me. Per 100 gm of Gems, we have 75.1 gm of sugar and 13.8 gm of saturated fat, with a 0.1 gm of trans fat added, we already reach 89 gm of the 100 g of Gems. It is made of hydrogenated vegetable fat, I don’t understand this ingredient, but surely does not sound/look good. (There might be a debate about milk chocolates and all imported ones. Let me know if you find one with sugar and saturated fats below 50%, at any point in time).

Pricing:

Paying Rs. 5/- for 8.9 gm of Gems, meaning it is Rs. 562/- per kg. Another way of looking at this is that raisins and dates are way cheaper than chocolates and almonds and cashews are just about 50% more expensive. Yet, none of these is anywhere seen as gifting options to children.

Options:

Talking of options, girls have a great liking for carrots, they can have cucumber and beetroot (which is currently Rs. 12/- per kg) as well – raw. I am sure that barring some exotic fruits that have been imported from Antarctica, all the fruits will be cheaper than these chocolates. But, none of these gets considered when it comes to pampering the children.

Pampering:

All the people who do gift chocolates get looked upon as favourites. We, the parents, who ask them to share/have it later in parts are considered as villains of the piece. Come on people, chocolates cannot be the sole way of getting yourself popular with the kids. Use your imagination, please.

Imagination:

A whole lot of marketing around chocolates has ensured that we lack imagination beyond them for options as gifts to children or ways of pampering them. Leave aside, fruits and dry fruits, there are no options of chikki, til laddu, puffed jowar, ragi mudde, coconut laddu for the children, as either it is not available in the first place or if present, it will be in such shabby form that children used to glossy covers will gloss over them.

I am in no favour of processed food loaded with sugar and fats to start the dietary journey of my children. For that matter, anywhere as the part of the food journey.

#NoChocolateForMyChildren. What’s your say?

Credit: Have adapted the title of this blog from a Charles M. Schulz quotation.